A week ago..

I had my D and C, and we said good-bye...Today we found out the genetic results over the phone.  The nurse said that it was a boy, who had 47 chromosomes, and I believe the extra one was on Chromosome 10, so Trisomy 10.   I was in shock, that she told me the sex...I was not expecting that, and to be honest, I think it magnified things. 

We go the 18th, for follow-up with the Dr. and we may consider going to a genetic counselor.

The past few nights have been pretty rough.  Crying and not being able to turn it off, no matter what. Today I was OK, but on my way to the Eye Dr. I started getting teary, and I choked up when I talked to my Mom and one of my friends.

I know that this will get easier...Will it every fully go way, absolutely not.  Even if we get pregnant again, and all goes well, I will still have a small hole in my heart for the baby we lost.

I never imagined it would be this hard...I knew it would not be easy, but for it to be so heart-wrenching, and sad, and empty feeling. NO, I had no idea.  I sometimes wish that I would wake up from this night mare.  That I would be pregnant, planning how to announce, and cherishing my morning sickness.  

I will take it one step at a time, and I know God is right there with me holding my hand, and guiding me to healing....