Feeling Blessed in the Midst...

of tragedy...How does someone continue to feel blessed in the midst of tragedy?  In the midst of heartache, sadness, anger, and the unknown....?

I never thought I would know this again, until this past week...

To back up: We saw the baby's faint heartbeat flicker on Feb. 7th...After that day we were able to 'breathe' a little easier, but we knew we were not out of the woods yet, until week 12-14.  

On Sunday our worse fears were realized...We went to ER for a slight bleed and after blood work, and a 20 minute sono, they said there was no hb, and my hcg number didn't seem right.

Tues the 12th, a sono confirmed, no growth and no heartbeat...devastation doesn't even begin to describe what we felt...We were numb and in shock..in shock that this was happening..AGAIN.

Thu. I had a consult with the fertility Dr. and she confirmed again what my ob/gyn's office had decided as well..
Friday was the D and C and well...here we are...trying to heal physically and emotionally...

Back to feeling blessed...Some may say "how in the world can you feel blessed with two losses in less than 6 months?".....

Here is my response:
God blessed us with two miracles...HE did it, and even though we will never understand completely why He blessed us, and then decided to take them to Heaven, I have got to experience pregnancy twice now in my life...From the sore boobs, the exhaustion, the being hungry every 2 hours, avoiding those "forbidden" foods, and having a Mommy instinct from the day I saw those two pink lines...
I feel blessed that we got to think of girl names ( our boy name has been picked out forever  :) , I feel blessed that I started looking at nursery ideas, imagining what they would look like, etc...

Some women who are facing the infertility road have never even been pregnant....and when they do get pregnant, I pray that they will not have to face a loss...ever....

I feel blessed in the midst of tragedy....